I hate feeling like I have failed someone that I love dearly.  Why am I so unable to recognize when irrational context has clouded words and jump to my own defense?  She is going through something that I don’t understand, a chemical balance so severe that it dims the angelic light from her face when it arrives.

I have feelings like anyone.  I get angry when misrepresented or lied to.  But I also fall prey to the vain need to “be right”, to express my point of view, like anyone else.  Why am I unable to remember what that person is going through when it matters most?  I wish I could remember this before I let my anger get ahold of me and not after I have verbally lashed out.

Her tears are the knives that cut my heart open, and I never want to see them rip their way down her face ever again.

I am utterly crushed and feeling a bit sick of myself today.  Heavy hearts can be fragile things. It is difficult to learn how to lift them up without breaking them and your own arms in the process.  I just want to be the one she can rely on, and I feel that I am only doing damage.

I don’t know why I have a best friend that shut me out the last few months we lived together, but I wish it were different.

I don’t know why he has a girlfriend that looks away when I enter a room and clams up, despite the friendship we had and I thought was still there, but I have my suspicions.

I don’t know why I have parents who so blindly follow a religion that simply does not make sense knowing what we do in this age, but I know it gives them comfort so I bite my tongue.

I don’t know why I was chosen to be hired on at the awesome company that I will be starting at this Monday, but I know I will do well

And I don’t know what I did to catch the eye and heart of one very special woman, but I know I will cherish her and love her forever

Through all of my trials and adventures across this planet I have encountered the unexplainable, and all I know is what I know.